I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
