There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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