My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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