I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
