Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
