She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
