Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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