I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
