I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
