Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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