i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
