everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
