No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
