I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
