I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
