I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
