some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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