You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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