Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
