remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
