my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
