saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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