Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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