dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
