she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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