Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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