D3 body, D1 cock
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
