My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
