Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
