are you so shy because you have an std?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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