he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also, beer. Big fan.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
