yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
