I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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