Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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