Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
