she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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