she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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