I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
