guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
