They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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