Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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