omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
And then he peed in my hair
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