Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
