his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
