Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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