he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
