I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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