I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
