I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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