Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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