Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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